The Change
by Rosette-Cullen
Summary: It was on this, the day of my beloved's death, that I stood unsure." Experience the pain of the kiss of death that Edward lays upon his angel. Feel the pain as the venom devours her senses.


It was on this day, the day of my beloved's death, that I sat unsure. The moonlight gently refracting from her alabaster skin did nothing to support my decision. The gentle pitter patter of her heart inured thousands of silent battles within me.

The measure of time I had sat here was innumerable, but I knew I had to act. The morphine was wearing thin within her pliant body. Subjecting her a void from the pain.

Her body was humming quietly with sleep the drug pulled her into a coma-like-state. The quiet whispers of her slumber were pleading. I knew she was worried I would go back on my word. Though, how could she not doubt it?

The recent weeks were spent with me pleading helplessly to her for more time. We were newlyweds, surely that meant something. Even through my unashamed begging she was the one comforting _me_. Was I not the one she requested as her killer?

Sighing deeply, I began to shift closer to her exposed neck. My teeth bared themselves of their accord. How revolting was it that the beast within me wanted to rejoice to her sweet, delicious, delectable blood? I would not drain her, just slip my teeth in and pull back out.

My hand brushed the few strands of hair that lay aimlessly on her cheek. She was a goddess in human form. A complete godsend to shed me of my miseries. Yet, here I stood -- or rather sat -- next to the limp form of my angel. I was about to tarnish the gift I was given.

I dreaded this day more than any other, the day I would kill my wife.

"I'd give you my soul." she'd once said before. Surely she knew not what she meant. For if she had known what this life entails, she'd have run.

I couldn't imagine my Bella subject to thirst and undying feelings of emptiness. I would take care of her, though. No matter what, I would protect her and honour my vows.

I laved her neck with my tongue and sovoured the taste, texture, warmth and feel of her skin. Had I not done this as a forestep to kill her, it would not have been an innocent act.

Her majestic body called for me. Her blood pumped heavily within her. Even in sleep she knew I was by her side. I scraped my teeth along her neck, not enough to break the skin.

'_Do it you monster! Kill her!'_ With the voices within me screaming to stop or cynically telling me to go, I blocked my mind and focused on anything but what my subconscious was saying.

My family was gone, I'd stupidly suggested it. I wanted her last moments be just Bella and Edward. No one else. If she died, I'd die as well.

I swallowed hard before I sunk my teeth into her neck. It was like the first bite of an apple, crisp and juicy. The juicy blood pooled in my mouth, even though I'd only wanted to bite and pull back. Her blood was nothing like I'd remembered. I gulped once, then twice.

What was I _doing_? This was Bella, _my Bella_. I needed to stop; I couldn't just let her die! I willed myself to release, rolling backwards off the bed, and stayed there for a few moments. I stopped. I did it.

I smirked at my control, but grimaced when she whimpered. _'Oh god, what have I done?'_ I took too much out, oh god, she was going to die. Oh no, I can't live knowing what I did to her.

My hands fluttered uselessly over her body. The blood from her neck pooled onto her collarbone and down her cleavage. The crimson against her white skin was tantalizing. Realizing she would be uncomfortable with the blood, and my own dastardly thoughts, I cleaned up the blood and covered the puncture.

I didn't know how much time I had before she would burn out of morphine. I held her in my arms as she slept. The pain would begin soon.

* * *

My thoughts were relatively calm when Carlisle injected the morphine into me. I was sure Edward told them to leave. He seemed impatient with them, though he never left my side.

"It'll be okay," Alice assured.

Neither one of us spoke before they all left Carlisle informed me that the change could take up to a week depending on how my body took the venom. I was vying for the three days. I couldn't put Edward through a week.

"Promise me something, Edward.' I said sleepily.

"Anything love,"

I had him. "When I start screaming you have to leave."

He looked at me like I had three heads and snarled. He pushed his lips to mine in an intense kiss and pulled away.

"No," was his answer.

I caught onto his game and breathed deeply to banish the stupor his kisses brought. I would not let him affect my decision.

"You promised,"

"Well, I didn't know what I was promising."

"You said anything,"

"But that,"

I sighed and laid on my back. "Do you love me?"

"Of course I do." he said automatically.

"Then keep your promise, please."

He didn't say anything as he laid down next to me. He buried his head in the crook of my neck, hopefully, where he would end my life.

My body felt heavy with sleep. My limbs ached and my head was pounding. A whimper escaped my mouth and my eyes opened. I felt numb, but a searing pain was making itself known.

Beside me was a god. His gold eyes were faintly red around the edges. He looked like someone shot him. He was ridged and his face was distorted in pain.

I could feel it now; the pain was gaining way into the numbness. I knew I only had a short time before it broke through.

"Leave," I croaked.

Edward's eyes widened and he looked about to break. He whispered his love and kissed my lips softly. I was in shock to see that he listened and left. Relief overwhelmed me, a welcome feeling coursing through.

I wanted to call him back in and have him hold me through the pain. I couldn't, though. If he saw me, if he saw my pain, he would never forgive himself.

Pain shot through me and I used all my strength to scream into the pillow. It muffled my sound minutely, and I knew he could hear. My legs felt like they were asleep, and my feet felt like needles were pricking them.

The needles didn't remain in my feet; they climbed up my legs and hit the back of my knees. I screamed again as I kicked my legs to distinguish the pain. My toenails felt like they were being ripped off, I screamed Edward's name but stopped.

My head pounded and my eyes rolled back into my head as I prayed for unconsciousness.

Even in my dreams, did I not find relief. My whole body was engulfed in flames. The more I struggled, the more the fire grew. My skin started to feel too tight.

I woke up to find that reality was not much better. My skin seemed a size too small. I scratched at it mindlessly. The skin became raw where I mauled it. My nails dug in deep to scratch under the skin in an attempt to just rip off my tight suit.

My legs kicked to get rid of the needles and fire that became worse. Gasping out, I clutched my stomach as cramps ripped through my abdomen and pelvis. I could imagine child birth feeling much like this.

I was vaguely aware of the stinging on my neck. I had gone deaf in my left ear, most likely the side where Edward laid the bite. My tears were relentless, doing nothing for the pain.

The sheet fell to the floor because of my squirming. I was hot, but not sweating. My fight or flight instinct kicked in and stopped me from salivating and persperating.

I cried out as my body convulsed. My cramps forced me to scream, though it brought no relief. My arms numbed and I was grateful.

Blackness enveloped me, but this time I was afraid. If I didn't wake up, what would happen then?

* * *

My eyes shot open and I started to cling to the side of the bed. My stomach retched, but little came out. The need to regurgitate forced my body to continue its dry-heaves.

The burning in my throat made its way up through my nose and I sneezed four times. Each time burned more than the last, I couldn't hold them in, nor did I want to. I continued to retch and cough before I collapsed and fell to the floor.

I didn't have enough strength to scream or cry. I laid on the floor, perfectly still, and wished for death. How ironic, I had been begging for death, and here I was in the midst of it. I laughed shortly and bitterly before my throat cracked and I screamed.

My scream lacked voice. My throat was dry and my voice was hoarse. For it to be this broken, I must have been screaming in my sleep.

From my throat, the fire spread to my mouth. I could imagine this was what a root-canal felt like without nova cane. I wanted to rip my teeth from my gums, but couldn't find the strength to move.

My molars felt like I had a stinging cavity. I never understood 'til now why Charlie always complained about the dentist.

I screamed Edward's name, but nothing more came out than a rasped whisper.

This had to be hell. Eternal pain and fire, is this what I deserved? I loved a vampire and attempted to be one. Does loving someone mean I should go to hell?

My vision eclipsed, almost answering my thoughts. I screamed again in shock first. I had gone and deaf and now blind. The fire tore through my corneas and into my head. I shook uncontrollably from the pain.

My chest suddenly constricted, breathing became more and more difficult. My need for breath caused me to gasp out.

Thickness filled my lungs. It felt like mucus, but stung unbearably. The venom was filling my chest. I rolled and coughed. I was suffocating and nothing was helping. I was scared and cried out for Edward.

I could feel my heart beating in my chest. It felt strange to be able to feel it pumping slowly.

Then I heard it. My hearing came back slowly and I could hear my heart slow to an unbearable pace. I wondered if Edward could hear it.

I listened for a few more moments before it stopped. The pain didn't increase, but if I didn't move, it felt better.

My vision became unclouded and sharp. The pain receded down my down the back of my neck to the soles of my feet. Was it over?

I didn't move for a while, afraid the pain would return. I flinched when it did. Only this time it was a throbbing in the back of my throat.

I trembled as I sat up. I looked around the room and panicked.

"Edward…" I called quietly.

The door flung open, the hinges protested by snapping, and he ran to me. Dry sobs racked through his body while he embraced me. I cried with him, clinging on for dear life.

I held onto him with no fear that he might crush me. This was the inevitable, the ultimate sacrifice to show our love. To live eternity.

**A/N: I know this isn't my usual style, but lately I've been getting into sadistic things. My Edgar Allan Poe high is kicking in at full speed and I've started to new stories that are... twisted I suppose. Expect more twisted and sadistic stories. Mostly rated M for those who are subject sensitive.**


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